My Mum’s on Facebook!


You used to be a special place
for all my college friends.
A sanctuary in cyberspace,
but every love story ends.
(Facebooooook…..)
Why’d you have to go and lose
your exclusivity?
Now all my nightmares have come true…
my mom just friended me!

Since she joined she spends all her time
checking my news feed.
My interests are no longer
bubble butts and sticky weed.
She whacked my ass on Mafia Wars
and Flixtered “You’ve Got Mail.”
She washed the colors with the whites
and posted “laundry fail” (’cause now)…

CHORUS
My mom’s on Facebook.
She found a new way to nag me.
My mom’s on Facebook.
Comments whenever friends tag me.
My mom’s on Facebook.
She only got it to stalk me.
My mom’s on Facebook.
My childhood photos cock-block me.

My wall is not for e-mail, mom,
you’ll never get it right.
And gifting me some sexy lips
don’t mean a kiss goodnight.
She keeps on adding all my friends,
they just think she’s a joke…
except for Steve who says that she’s
a mom he’d like to poke. (She’s a M.I.L.P.!)

Mama read my 25 Things
and each and every note.
Now she knows I lost a bet
and had to wax my scrote.
Suggests new pages every day
from “hugs” to “Will and Grace.”
It’s getting to the point I’ll have to
switch back to MySpace. (But not really!)

Wrote in my status,
“boss is keeping me at work.”
Mom responded, “now I see
why you told me he’s a jerk.”
My boss saw it and fired me
and mom’s the reason why.
Now I’m starving and I’m lonely
and I’m probably gonna die… (because)

CHORUS
My mom’s on Facebook.
Now I’ve gotta watch every word.
My mom’s on Facebook.
Oooh, goddamn you, Mark Zuckerburg.
My mom’s on Facebook.
Posted a public reminder…
My mom’s on Facebook.
…that I came out her vagina!

My mom’s on Facebook.
Invited me to my cousin’s communion.
My mom’s on Facebook.
It’s like a family reunion.
My mom’s on Facebook.
I’m trying not to be bitter…
My mom’s on Facebook.
…but she just found me on Twitter!

My mom, your mom, his mom, Steve’s mom… all moms!
They’re all on Facebook.

UK General Election – What can you NOT do when voting?

What can you NOT do in a polling station?

Woman emerges from polling station

Palaces of democracy are everywhere today

As millions of Britons converge on the local primary school or village hall to cast their votes, former polling clerk Tom de Castella explains what you can and can’t do in a polling station.

At 0700 BST on Thursday, schools and village halls across the land morphed into palaces of democracy.

A general election is a special event in the life of the nation. And Nigel Tonkin, Westminster Council’s head of administrative services, who has been organising elections in London for 35 years, says that first-time voters shouldn’t be intimidated.

“Don’t be put off by something that’s unknown. The staff will be welcoming and try to make the process as straightforward as possible.”

But voting is a serious business. So just what can and can’t you do in a polling station?

CAN I BRING MY PETS WITH ME TO VOTE?

Dogs may not yet be entitled to vote but they are allowed to come and watch as long as they don’t disrupt the vote. According to previous guidance issued by the Electoral Commission, dogs must be in an “accompanying” role rather than “free-range”.

In cases where a voter has two or more dogs and will struggle to control them while casting their ballot, polling station staff may hold the dogs’ leads. Rural constituencies might have cases of voters riding to the polling station. In such cases, horses and ponies should be tethered up outside. There is no guidance on other animals such as rabbits, ferrets or pot-bellied pigs, so any decision will be at the discretion of presiding officers.

CAN I WEAR POLITICAL CLOTHING?

“We wouldn’t want people coming in with overt political clothing,” says Mr Tonkin. However it is all about context. “There’s a candidate standing in Westminster as a pirate. And if he comes in to vote in a pirate costume as is likely, we won’t turn him away. The same goes for any supporters coming to vote as pirates.”

But if there were Labour or Tory voters dressed in party T-shirts and hats that would be a different matter, he says.

“If you’re wearing party insignia and emblems we wouldn’t like that.”

Tesco shopper in pyjamas

Pyjamas are banned at Tesco, but OK for voting

So what about people coming in wearing T-shirts of the left-wing firebrand Che Guevara? Surely, these are political, too?

“Che Guevara isn’t a problem. Unless, of course, he was standing in the ward,” he says. It all boils down to one simple rule.

“It’s about not intimidating voters about who they should support.”

Recently a branch of Tesco banned customers from shopping in pyjamas. Would polling staff take a similar hard line against inappropriate clothing?

“Pyjamas are fine, provided they’re not indecent. And so is a builder who’s stripped to the waist. We want people to vote, we don’t want to turn people away,” he says. But a line does have to be drawn somewhere, he says. “A topless woman wouldn’t be appropriate as voters might get distracted.”

IT’S MY FIRST TIME VOTING. CAN I TAKE A PHOTO?

No. British democracy works on the basis of a secret ballot. For that reason the media are banned from filming, taking photographs or reporting from inside the polling station. The same applies to individuals. Don’t be tempted to take a picture – you’ll be asked to delete it and told not to do it again.

CAN I COVER MY FACE WITH A HOODIE OR SOMETHING ELSE?

Yes. It’s true that polling station staff are on the lookout for people trying to vote twice by impersonating someone else on the register. But Rob Connelly, head of electoral services in Birmingham City Council, says that there’s no requirement for voters to show their face. “If you can’t see someone’s face we can ask them the statutory questions – things like their name and address. We wouldn’t stop someone voting if they’re wearing a hoodie or a burka.”

I’VE BEEN IN THE PUB AND FEEL DRUNK. CAN I VOTE?

Yes. Polling station staff cannot refuse a voter simply because they are drunk or under the influence of drugs. However, if the presiding officer suspects you are incapable of voting you will be asked a series of questions to determine whether you are up to the task of casting your ballot. If the voter cannot answer satisfactorily they will be told to come back when they’ve sobered up.

CAN I WEAR A GIANT ROSETTE?

No. The only people permitted to wear a rosette are the candidates and their polling agents. The rosette must be plain and not refer to the candidate or bear a slogan. Neither can they be too big.

While the Electoral Commission doesn’t specify dimensions at this election, previous guidance set out a maximum width of “three to four inches”. It seems the authorities are worried that a really big rosette might cause people to change their minds about whom to vote for.

CAN I TALK WITH MY SPOUSE ABOUT THE CANDIDATES?

No. Political discussion is banned inside the polling station. Polling station staff will intervene if people are heard to be discussing the merits of different candidates or parties – it may unsettle other voters. Neither can one ask someone whom they are voting for as this will compromise the secrecy of the poll. If you want to debate the pros and cons of a certain candidate you must do so outside. Neither can people distribute party leaflets or other literature in the polling station. Anyone seen doing so will be asked to take them outside.

I’M A MEMBER OF THE ROYAL FAMILY. CAN I VOTE?

This depends on whether you’re a minor or major royal. “The Queen lives in the constituency of Westminster but she isn’t on our electoral register,” Mr Tonkin says. “As head of state, she is part of the institution of Parliament so cannot vote.” The same applies to close family members like Prince Charles and his sons. But “minor” royals not so closely related to the Queen may be able to vote.

CAN I PLAY MY FAVOURITE MUSIC TO INSPIRE ME?

Not if it disrupts other people. Those trying to bring in a ghetto blaster will be turned away. And if you are listening to music on headphones you’ll need to remove them when addressed by polling station staff. They will want to confirm your name and other details.

If your personal music player is playing at high volume in the polling booth you’ll be asked to turn it down or leave. “We don’t want people blasting music around the place as it would be disruptive,” Mr Tonkin says. The same attitude goes for loud conversations on mobile phones.

DO I HAVE TO MARK MY CROSS WITH A PENCIL ON A STRING?

No, the election is not being electronically counted. So if you prefer you can use a pen. You can even mark the box with a tick instead. The important thing is that your voting intention is clear.

I’VE MADE A MISTAKE. CAN I VOTE AGAIN?

Yes, providing you haven’t already posted your ballot paper in the box. Return to the desk and tell staff what has happened. They’ll be able to cancel your ballot paper and issue you with a new one.

I’M A BIT NERVOUS. CAN A FRIEND COME AND HELP ME?

You’re welcome to enter the polling station with a friend, says Connelly. But voting is a private matter so you must be alone when you go into the polling booth and mark a cross on the ballot paper. If you have any questions about the procedure, polling station staff will be happy to help.

If on the other hand, you have a disability, or are illiterate, and are unable to vote on your own, the presiding officer can help. A family member or friend could be permitted to accompany and assist.

CAN I BRING MY CHILDREN TO SHOW THEM WHAT HAPPENS?

Of course. Guidance to polling station staff asks them to be welcoming to under 18s so as not to put off the voters of tomorrow. However, in exceptional cases where there are large numbers of young people in the station, presiding officers have the power to ask them to wait outside. If someone has several young children, a member of the polling station staff can look after them while the parent or guardian votes.

CAN MY CHILD WRITE THE ‘X’ FOR ME?

A child is not allowed to write the X for the adult. If they’re seen doing so, the ballot paper would be confiscated before it could be put in the box. It would be down to the presiding officer over whether they could cast another ballot.

CAN I WRITE A MESSAGE TO THE POLITICIANS?

A student website has been debating how to make a protest against the parties by spoiling one’s ballot paper. Possible messages include “[Expletive] the system!” and “No suitable candidate”.

Woman casts vote

Any written messages will make the ballot paper void

These kind of deliberately spoiled ballots are part of the British political tradition, are termed “rejected votes” and are included in the overall turnout. However, those wishing to vote for one of the candidates should avoid writing comments. It may confuse the counters and lead to your vote being put in the rejected pile. And however wise or witty a comment, it’s unlikely to make much impression on staff who will be frantically trying to count ballot papers.

CAN I SIGN MY BALLOT PAPER?

People do occasionally sign their ballots but these votes do not count. They are considered rejected ballots because the voter has revealed their identity and breached the rules of a secret ballot.

Signing your ballot paper was fairly common in the 19th Century when candidates would pay people to vote for them. Under that corrupt system it was possible for the candidate to check up later who had voted for them by looking for signatures, and pay out accordingly. Today, however innocent the motive, a signature renders a ballot “rejected”.

WHAT IF THERE’S A FIRE?

With thousands of polling stations dotted across the country, general elections are a huge logistical undertaking. And when something does goes wrong, the event can bring out the British tradition of adapting to circumstances and making the best of a bad job.

We got to the polling station, only to find the store of ballot papers had been thrown out by the cleaners the night before
Nigel Tonkin, Westminster Council

“A few years ago there was a fire in one of our polling stations,” recalls Mr Connelly. “We had to evacuate everyone and move everything out. So we opened the station from the back of a car. You get the boot open and hope it’s not raining.”

Mr Tonkin agrees that the car is an essential part of an election supremo’s armoury. “One year the school caretaker didn’t open up on time so we had to start a polling station in the back of a car.” You never know when disaster might strike so it’s all about reacting quickly, he says.

“Another time we got to the polling station, only to find the store of ballot papers had been thrown out by the cleaners the night before. We had to hurriedly send out for replacements.”



Eyjafjallajokull Sounds Nasty Anyway.. See Pictures of this Volcano!

 Ash emissions from Eyjafjallajokull volcano in Iceland were captures in images found online - Winds were blowing the ash accross Europe, causing international and local flights to remain grounded. All flights to and from Britain had been cancelled until today. Ashfall has been reported in Britain. Five million travelers are stranded, waiting for flights to resume. Some may be waiting for more than a week to find available seats. If flight disruptions continue into this week there will be a shortage of some food products in Britain, which normally come in by air from east Asia and Africa. The grounding of flights has already cost the British economy about £1 billion, with £230m losses for every day of further disruption. The initial eruption of Eyjafjallajokull volcano last month was basalt, while the new eruption under the glacier last week involved andesite.

Edit: New images & another spelling: Eyjafjallajökull

Eyjafjallajokull

Picture 1 of 17

South Park – You Have 0 Friends Episode [Facebook] / [S14E04]

southparkfacebookEven though Stan and Kyle have been friends for years, it doesn’t mean anything if Stan won’t “friend” him. Kyle “friended” the wrong person so now all his other friends are deserting him left and right. With his problem getting worse by the minute, Kyle turns to the one person who’s always been there for him.

South Park is an animated series featuring four boys who live in the Colorado town of South Park, which is beset by frequent odd occurrences. The show grew out of short film that Trey Parker and Matt Stone created called The Spirit of Christmas, and has become an award-winning show that is a unique blend of humor and satire. First air date: August 13, 1997 Original air time: Wednesday 10:00:00 pm (Eastern)

This week’s South Park is entitled “You’ve Got 0 Friends” and will deal exclusively with that special social phenomenon so dear to our hearts, Facebook. The episode will air on Wednesday and involves Kyle struggling to find friends on Facebook after friending the “wrong” friend. A preview clip, “I’ve Got Nobody” can be found on Youtube,

The last time South Park parodied an internet phenomenon it won an Emmy award for the episode. Titled “”Make Love, Not Warcraft” and parodying the popular online game, the episode garnered the South Park creators, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, an Emmy for Outstanding Animated Performance. And if you haven’t seen it, please check it out for a good laugh (and a few groans).

Google Translate for Animals!

Introducing Translate for Animals (beta): Bridging the gap between animals and humans

Making the world’s information universally accessible is a key goal for Google. Language is one of our biggest challenges so we have targeted our efforts on removing language barriers between the species. We are excited to introduce Translate for Animals, an Android application which we hope will allow us to better understand our animal friends. We’ve always been a pet-friendly company at Google, and we hope that Translate for Animals encourages greater interaction and understanding between animal and human.

Translate for Animals is an application for Android phones that recognises and transcribes words and phrases that are common to a species, like cats for example. To develop Translate for Animals, we worked closely with many of the world’s top language synthesis teams, and with leaders in the field of animal cognitive linguistics, including senior fellows at the Bodleian Library in Oxford.

Take a tour of Translate for Animals!

  • Step 1: How to begin

    On your Android phone, go to Android Market and search for “Translate for Animals” to download the app.

  • Step 2. Opening the app

    Once the app is installed, touch the “Translate for Animals” app icon from the handset’s main menu to open it.

  • Step 3: Selecting your animal to translate

    Once the app has opened touch the ‘translate from’ box. You will see a drop down menu open up. Choose from cat, dog, bird, rabbit, guinea pig, hamster, tortoise, horse, chicken, sheep, donkey, and pig.

  • Step 4: Selecting your language

    Touch the ‘translate to’ box to open English as the choice of language.

    Only English is available currently.

    Note: We are currently working on this. You will soon be able to translate to most languages including Mongolian, Hindi, Cantonese, and Pig-Latin.
  • Step 5: Recording your animal

    Make sure the animal you’d like to translate is calm and at-ease. Depending on the animal in question, you may wish to stroke or pet it as you bring the handset close to its mouth. Press the “Press to listen” button to record as it woofs, meows, neighs, oinks…

  • Step 6: Processing the data

    Please be patient whilst the voice recognition software checks the recorded pet sounds against the millions of stored noises in the Animal Linguistic Database. This should only take a few seconds.

  • Step 7: Transcribing the translation

    Once the data has been processed you will see an English transcript translation of what your animal has said. If you wish to hear it spoken press the speaker button to hear an audio version.

    Note: It is not Google’s responsibility if you are offended or disappointed by what your chosen animal may say. Also please note, we do not guarantee stimulating conversation.
  • Step 8: Rewarding your pet

    Give your pet a treat to say thank you for the conversation and provide encouragment for all the ones you’ll have in the future. Good luck!

Pro Tip: As a general rule the higher up in the food chain an animal is, the better a communicator it will be. So if you are after quick witted banter it’s best to select cats and dogs rather than rabbits, hamsters and guinea pigs.

(Herbivores and omnivores are not known for their linguistic ability. Although it has been discovered that tortoises have expansive general knowledge.)

awesome :P

Source: http://www.google.co.uk/intl/en/landing/translateforanimals/tour.html

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